If your child is not a “child” anymore, then please, please let go!
I am certainly NOT saying to ignore them and not be their parent. BUT what I am saying is do not think you need to “parent” them anymore by telling them what to do, what job to get, what friends to have, where to live…so on. They can and will make their own decisions, especially since they are an adult…the adult you already raised!
An adult (your child) is someone who has grown up, who does not attend school, who has a job or career, and who is capable of making their own decisions. Of course, if they still live with you, then they have to abide by your rules and respect your household. But if they are not living with you anymore, then let’s really think about your “parenting” role.
If they ask you for advice, then that is different…of course. It is, on the other extreme, that many young adults do not talk to their parents. There can be several reasons for this, one of which is because their parents keep parenting them. Another reason may be because parents keep wanting to control their child by telling them what to do, who to talk to, ask about their friends/partners, ask a lot of questions, offer suggestions or advice when they are not asking, etc. Would you want that to happen to you if the roles were reversed? Think back to your childhood to adulthood…in the beginning of your very own adult life…did you want to now be in control of your life without any parental input? I am certain that you did!
You raised your child to be the adult they need to be. It’s too late now to make sure they do things the way you want them to according to how you feel or think. It is time to let the child, that you already raised, now be the person they have become based on everything they learned from you. You do not have to agree with everything they do nor do you have to agree with every decision they make, however, you certainly have to love them (like you always have), talk with them, be there for them, BUT they need to now live their life. YES…THEIR LIFE!
At what cost would it be to you and your relationship with that child if you constantly stepped in and wanted to control them again? What cost would it be to you if they do not want to talk to you anymore? Be the loving parent they want you to be. Be the loving parent they know you are because you have taught them you are. Be there for them to talk to and to come over to visit with you and keep your loving relationship.
You can’t protect them forever! You, unfortunately, just have to let them be the adult. It’s their time now!
Let your child live their life!