DIVORCE and PARENTING

Unfortunately, divorce is something that couples may have to go through at some point in their lives. This is why, when it comes to divorce, there needs to be thoughts about this divorce from the point of view of your child/children. This is ultimately the end of their family unit!

This is a word that may cause different reactions and emotions for different individuals who are involved in a divorce. It is even more difficult for the children who are part of the family whose parents are getting divorced.  I can say this because I am divorced and I know, first hand, how difficult it was…the most difficult time, especially difficult for my children.

I feel that couples should definitely try their hardest to work out scheduling so that both parents, for the sake of the kids, (except, of course, in a harmful or abusive relationship) can be a part of that child’s life. If divorce is inevitable or necessary for that couple, please remember it is not going to be fair or easy for the children; we really need to think about what is fair to them,  easier for them, and what they truly need. It is the children you need to think about before yourself and before your soon-to-be-ex partner.

Children do not want their parents to divorce, unless there in a painful, hurtful, or argumentative relationship. Overall, children do not want their family to end. They do not want any changes to their family as it is now. No matter what your parenting, “family” unit was, it is no longer fair to your child or children if that changes. We, as children, always think our family should and would stay together.divorce-kidsThis word divorce should NOT mean the same to your child or children as it does to you and your soon to be EX! You NEED to be as fair to your child or children as much as you can. They deserve to see both parents equally (as long as there are no underlying circumstances that would be harmful to your child/children). It is not fair if you treat your EX badly in front of your child and it is not fair if you talk badly to them about your EX when they are not in front of you. Your child should feel like they still have their “family” but just not in the same household. They need to be able to communicate to you and to your ex without feeling jealousy, resentment, or negativity of any sort. You wanted your relationship to end or your relationship just ended, but they didn’t want it to end. They shouldn’t have to CHOOSE between the both of you. You have to be adult enough to give them the opportunity to be with both parents so that it works better for them and they do not or will not feel the guilt, fault, or stress they might feel because of this divorce.

Please be adult about your situation for the sake of the children.

Please put them first and not you and your feelings.

Children need to feel loved and they need that especially during this difficult time. It’s like the grief that goes along with a death. It is the death of their family and what they are now missing. Be sensitive to that and help them through the whole ordeal. Things will not be easy, but you need to limit all that goes along with the divorce and make it better for your child or children. You need to communicate with them about everything they are feeling or dealing with because of this divorce. If they need therapy or counseling to talk things through, then that is what they need to do and you need to give them that opportunity.

Divorce is not easy, but we need to think about the “little ones” (any child in a divorce situation) who are involved in something we are putting them through. We need to make it easier for them, not more difficult!

Please share your ideas! Suggestions? Comments?

 

 

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